Move On

"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You'll have to rise up and say, 'I don't care how hard it is, I don't care how disappointed I am, I'm not going to let this get the best of me. I'm moving on with my life." - Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now.

Everyday we make decisions and choices from morning to evening, and sometimes those decisions we make are the things we usually regret, even though it takes us some time to decide, just like me right now. It has been a week since I made up my mind about letting go of someone very dear to me and moving on, though it's very difficult, because that person made a mark in my life. It's not his fault, actually it is mine, because I let myself fell in his trap, and now I am having a difficult time. He's my best friend, but please don't misjudge him, and don't say that it was friend zone because it isn't. I don't blame him for anything, because there's no one to blame but myself.

I'd been too busy watching out for others, protecting them and standing up for them that I almost forgotten that I have my own life to tend, and because of that I had let my guard off and I didn't notice that I was being hit by a bullet, until I realized that I was already bleeding. We were fine before I made up my mind that I had to stop this. I deleted his number, his messages and I even unfriend him.I thought that things would be better after that, but it didn't I just deleted his number from my phone and he still had my number, that's why he kept on sending me messages, asking why I wasn't answering. I tried my very best to ignore it, until one Sunday morning one of my female best friends who was also a close friend of his, PM me, she thought that I didn't know why she PMed me. I explained myself to her and I guessed she understands why I was doing this.

You know I'm a good adviser and my advises were always right, but I couldn't apply it with myself. She told me to speak with him to clear things out and I did, but it was hard, very hard. I told him that I need to distance myself for awhile because if I didn't I might not be able to stand up and be whole again, and of course he was hurt. He told me that he understand, but it was a complete lie, I know him very much. He told me that he'll wait for me until I'm ready to speak with him again, but I think that was impossible, and all I did say was. "SORRY".

I know that I'd hurt him, but it's harder for me, and I have to do this. This is the only option I have, to nip in the bud. It actually takes a lot of courage to do so, because moving on means leaving all behind and forgetting the things that once made you happy.

I'M REALLY SORRY.